War within myself.

I feel as though I am at war within myself.
Is this a result of Satan trying to worm his way back into my life
because I am becoming Closer with MY GOD?
I just feel as though I'm at war. Everything feels like it is pulling at me.
My heart strings are tugging at me for being not as great of a Mom as I've always wanted to be.
I see all these other moms with what looks like so much patience and having so much fun raising their kids, and while I LOVE my children more than I could ever imagine..there are days where I can not wait for them to just go to school. Which is sad because a huge part of me KNOWS that when they are at school , I miss them terribly.  Its hard to believe this impatient Woman use to homeschool....

I feel as though I yell way to much and do not praise nearly enough.
Im feeling pulled in a million different directions at the moment. The inner wars of Motherhood is staring me right in the face.

Do I give in? Do I let it take me all the way in to a place that I know I don't want to go.
No....
I am going to do what I never thought was possible. I'm going to bite my tongue. Pick my battles and allow the Almighty GOD, who shows grace to me way to much,
pick me up and put me back on solid ground.

I'm going to be the Mom/Wife that I know I can/need to be.
and I'm going to be proud of myself.
Just as soon as I can get through these next few moments when the motherhood insanity rushes in.

Then I am going to wake up in the morning with a smile on my face, even though the kids school is cancelled again because of the Snow.
Sit on the end of my couch, cuddled up with my Bible, and read the 2nd portion of Leviticus!

Here I am God! I'm on my knees crying out for you.
Change me.. Change me.. Change me.
Create in me a pure heart for you O'God.
Change me

Exodus Day 2

Exodus day 2

15:19-28:43

Today was good reading! Simple as that! Good..no..Make that great reading!
We traveled with Moses through the tasting of the Bitter Waters at Marah. Where God told him how to Sweeten them so that the people could drink.
We listened as the people cried out and God fed them with Quail and Manna.We learned how an omer of Manna was kept for future Generations.
How Moses struck a Rock and Water came out for people to drink from.

We learned that as long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but when ever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up-one on one side, one on the other-so that his hands remained steady till sunset.

What can I say.. This entire reading was full of learning!

But the most important part of this passage is the Ten Commandments in which we are all to live by.

Then God gave the people all these instructions[a]:    2 “I am the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery.    3 “You must not have any other god but me.    4 “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. 5 You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me. 6 But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those[b] who love me and obey my commands.    7 “You must not misuse the name of the Lord your God. The Lord will not let you go unpunished if you misuse his name.    8 “Remember to observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 You have six days each week for your ordinary work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath day of rest dedicated to the Lord your God. On that day no one in your household may do any work. This includes you, your sons and daughters, your male and female servants, your livestock, and any foreigners living among you. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens, the earth, the sea, and everything in them; but on the seventh day he rested. That is why the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and set it apart as holy.    12 “Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.    13 “You must not murder.    14 “You must not commit adultery.    15 “You must not steal.    16 “You must not testify falsely against your neighbor.    17 “You must not covet your neighbor’s house. You must not covet your neighbor’s wife, male or female servant, ox or donkey, or anything else that belongs to your neighbor.”

I loved how when the people asked Moses to speak to them his self, instead of God speaking to them, because they were afraid that they would surely die if God spoke to them and Moses replied
“Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from Sinning”.

What an awesome thing! If We would all settle down and be quiet for a bit, and erase all the loudness from our lives, and just meditate on GOD's word..maybe then we could hear him speaking to us! (better) Can you imagine if everyone did this. If every one meditated on God's word and we could HEAR him speaking to us, that it may keep us all from Sinning.
The FEAR of GOD would be within each and every one of US!

In this reading we also read the Laws of God: on Judgments, Personal Property, Personal Relationships, Justice, Rest, Festivals.
I can not even begin to TRY to tell you all the great things I have just read!
This entire experience has been awesome so far for me and I am wondering WHY I took so long to attempt to read the Holy Bible from Cover to Cover before!
Like many, I've done the reading plans that skip all over the Bible but I never did finish them. This one, so far, has gotten me to read much more of the Bible in just five days than I have probably read in my entire life. I've read Bible verses and memorized them before but this is a whole new ball game and Guess what? I'm loving it!
I'm here to tell you that If I can sit down and spend time with God each day, then its not all that hard to do! You just have to make time to do it and most importantly you have to pray for God's guidance and help on this. I have three wonderful kids ranging in ages from 7 to 7 ½ months and yet I am finding time to spend with God on a daily basis. Much more than the average 15 minutes that most people say that you should do. On a daily basis, the past few days I have spend hours and hours with God! I am also much more committed to praying on a daily basis than I ever have been before! I am just so thankful that in this day and age with all the bad things you hear about/on the internet, it has allowed be to get in contact with some WONDERFUL women who have told me about the 90 day Bible Challenge and we are using the internet for something Good.
I am thankful for new friendships being formed as well.
I'm thankful for a renewed sense of “ME”.
I'm thankful for so many things that I can not even begin to tell you all of them because you would be reading all day long.