I feel as though I am at war within myself.
Is this a result of Satan trying to worm his way back into my life
because I am becoming Closer with MY GOD?
I just feel as though I'm at war. Everything feels like it is pulling at me.
My heart strings are tugging at me for being not as great of a Mom as I've always wanted to be.
I see all these other moms with what looks like so much patience and having so much fun raising their kids, and while I LOVE my children more than I could ever imagine..there are days where I can not wait for them to just go to school. Which is sad because a huge part of me KNOWS that when they are at school , I miss them terribly. Its hard to believe this impatient Woman use to homeschool....
Is this a result of Satan trying to worm his way back into my life
because I am becoming Closer with MY GOD?
I just feel as though I'm at war. Everything feels like it is pulling at me.
My heart strings are tugging at me for being not as great of a Mom as I've always wanted to be.
I see all these other moms with what looks like so much patience and having so much fun raising their kids, and while I LOVE my children more than I could ever imagine..there are days where I can not wait for them to just go to school. Which is sad because a huge part of me KNOWS that when they are at school , I miss them terribly. Its hard to believe this impatient Woman use to homeschool....
I feel as though I yell way to much and do not praise nearly enough.
Im feeling pulled in a million different directions at the moment. The inner wars of Motherhood is staring me right in the face.
Do I give in? Do I let it take me all the way in to a place that I know I don't want to go.
No....
I am going to do what I never thought was possible. I'm going to bite my tongue. Pick my battles and allow the Almighty GOD, who shows grace to me way to much,
pick me up and put me back on solid ground.
Im feeling pulled in a million different directions at the moment. The inner wars of Motherhood is staring me right in the face.
Do I give in? Do I let it take me all the way in to a place that I know I don't want to go.
No....
I am going to do what I never thought was possible. I'm going to bite my tongue. Pick my battles and allow the Almighty GOD, who shows grace to me way to much,
pick me up and put me back on solid ground.
I'm going to be the Mom/Wife that I know I can/need to be.
and I'm going to be proud of myself.
Just as soon as I can get through these next few moments when the motherhood insanity rushes in.
and I'm going to be proud of myself.
Just as soon as I can get through these next few moments when the motherhood insanity rushes in.
Then I am going to wake up in the morning with a smile on my face, even though the kids school is cancelled again because of the Snow.
Sit on the end of my couch, cuddled up with my Bible, and read the 2nd portion of Leviticus!
Sit on the end of my couch, cuddled up with my Bible, and read the 2nd portion of Leviticus!
Here I am God! I'm on my knees crying out for you.
Change me.. Change me.. Change me.
Create in me a pure heart for you O'God.
Change me
Oh, precious, precious woman of God...wife...MOTHER. It's not easy, is it? And it's not without its challenges (sometimes it's more like it's a challenge not without its peaceful/joyful moments). BUT...it's also a journey. So for every stretch that is rocky and dry, there is coming a stretch of peaceful meadows and beautiful fields.
ReplyDeleteA year or so ago I was praying and asked God to help me understand why my love for my children was constant, but my enjoyment in being a mother seemed seasonal. And He used the world around me to teach me...there are winter months where the beauty lies dormant and we feel chilled, desolate, cold. It is during this season that things are happening below the surface. It is this season that requires I remain constant and consistent...so that soon spring will come and new and glorious things will bloom in my heart and in my children and the beauty and excitement of motherhood will once again be open and obvious to me.
Hang in there...call or write if you want some encouragement...and know that I am praying for you as God leads!
Lisa, thank you so much for that!
ReplyDeleteYour response to my post had me in tears.
I've never thought of it as a seasonal thing..but your right, that is exactly what it is.
Thank you so much for all the prayers! I do appreciate them!!!! <3 you!