Not enough?

Ever get the feeling that you're not doing enough?  Your not good enough?  Your not crafty enough?
When is enough, in fact, enough?

I feel this way a gazillion times a day.  Growing up, my mother kept the house spotless. When I mean spotless, I'm serious. White Glove Approval. She was the ideal, stay at home mom.  She was up before all of us each morning.  Normally we had a hot breakfast, unless we chose cereal.  Many times we we got home from school, there would be cookies, brownies or something else she had made as an afternoon snack.  She drove us to all of our sports practices until we were old enough to drive ourselves. (And there were a lot).
I remember my mom driving me to my much anticipated gymnastics practice 3x a week and during that same time she would be dropping my older brother off at Karate and my other brother had to be across town for Piano Lessons.
As we got older, we all did a multiples of sports. My brothers did track, soccer, golf, wrestling, and I did gymnatics, tennis, track, golf.  I bet when I got my liscense, she was able to rest..but nope, She still drove out out to my tennis matches, and drove me and the other tennis girls to our matches across town, out of town, etc.   I always wonder if she felt the way I do now..and my kids are are still little.  I never remember hearing her complain, unless we were all fighting.
I wish I could be like that.  When I think of the Proverbs 31 woman, I always think of my mom.  She was up early, stayed up late, drove us around everywhere, Made sure we ate healthy, had our proper checkups at the doctor, made sure my father was highly respected. As we got older she started a small business on the side which kept her busy until after I married. Today, she teaches Children in the Church preschool department on Sundays, and also helps out my father around his business.  

I wish on many days I could be half of what she is.  I wish I loved to clean (or even liked to clean) a fraction as much as she did.  I wish that I didn't feel burdened to take my kids to all their practices. ( I don't always, I actually enjoy it but some days, I feel really stressed).  I wish I could have my kids respect me, the way I know me and my brothers respected my parents.    It's bitter sweet.

I often wonder if even though my mom always has gone beyond the call of duty, if she ever felt like she didn't do enough?  In my opinion she did too much.  She didn't have to keep the house extra spotless. She could have put her foot down and said that we were involved in to many sports.. But she never did.
She wanted to have a clean house to show respect to my father who worked many long hours. She wanted him to come home to a clean house with hot food ready to be eaten.
She wanted us involved in any extra curriculuar activity that we wanted because it was "good for us". It taught us responsibility, disipline, and how to be on a team.  In her words "Your kids are only young for a small amount of time, let them be kids, enjoy it."  While it seems like that "short amount of time" that they are kids is going by so small, I quickly realize my own oldest turns 10 in a few months, and I have not been NEAR the mother he has needed.
Maybe I've been to busy doing what "I" think it important instead of thinking about "what would be good for my kids".    They get to do a lot.  We take a multitude of family vacations, and yeah, I'll admit it.. Those three kids are pretty spoiled.-But is it enough?  Have I been showing them the love of God?  Have I been a good example to them?  Am I setting a good example to them?
There have been many times where they've walked in the room to me reading my Bible or a devotion, but its not a habit for them.  I use to get up early to have a few minutes with my GOD alone before I got them up for school, but then I realized really quickly, that I needed those extra few minutes of sleep. (I'm a certified GROUCH) if I don't get sleep.  But am I putting God on the back burner? Yep. I mean, seriously, how can i set a good example and teach my own children about putting God first if I don't even want to give up a few minutes of sleep for him.?  Hypocrite much?  Yep.
That's why I am doing what I can to slowly change.   Trying my hardest to watch what I say.  Taking a deep breath when I start getting agitated.  Slow changes.....

Who I am hates who I've been.-

Is your BFF Jesus?

Of course it's Easy to say "Jesus is my BFF? because in truth, he's always there for us, even if we don't realize it.  But is he truly your BFF.  Do you put everything or other things in front of it?
I was reading through today's mother/daughter devotional that I bought last year when we attended the Secret Keeper Girl tour that came to town. (Excellent, highly recommended if you have a tween/teen daughter).

The Disciple John had a Bff. His name was Jesus.  For Jesus to live as a human in the world, John knew it was a really really big deal. He respected and honored Jesus' position. For Jesus to be such close friends with John was a wonderful and great privilege
Did you  know that the book of John in the bible was written by none other than JOHN himself.  Did you also know that in the book of John it mentioned "The disciple that loved Jesus". In today's world some would consider that a little conceited. Writing a book about you being the ONE who loved Jesus.?  .
But can you just imagine the closeness of the relationship between Jesus and any of his disciples?  They actually got to SEE Jesus, walking, talking and doing things with People. and they JOINED Him on his journeys. In John 13:21-26 you can see that John was actually leaning in close to Jesus.  Can you imagine being so CLOSE to Jesus that You could actually feel his heartbeat!  Imagine that!

When John called himself the "disciple who loved Jesus". He was not merely bragging.  He wasn't bragging like "Hey World. LOOK WHO IM FRIENDS WITH?"  No, he was merely showing the world that Jesus LOVED Him.  A human. He actually LOVES him!and guess what. He loves you and me too!

In John 19:26, it describes Jesus on the Cross just before his death.  Jesus looked down at Mary (his mother) and his wonderful friend, John. He tells his mom and John to take care of each other.  Jesus must have thought a TON of John, to trust him to be like a son to Mary.

Have you ever been around someone that has made you feel like the most important person in the Universe? Don't you think that is how Jesus made John feel?  When John was in the presence of Jesus, he was consumed by a big love. The Love of  a Savior.

Wouldnt that be awesome to feel that kind of love? Do you ever feel it?  I think there are times in my life where I can feel the presense of something much more powerful than what is normal, but those times are few and far between in my personal case.  But I'm trying to put more and more and ALL my trust in Jesus.

Just today, I was reading about some friends of mine who are Missionaries, going into the JUNGLE. They moved to a foreign country and just had their second child.  They are on a journey that I couldn't imagine having that type of Trust in Jesus.  Here they and their kids are going into areas where the Gospel of Christ hasn't been heard of...and they are teaching the local Tribes about Jesus Christ and his Love for us and during this process they are seeing with their OWN eyes, the Miracles of God.  Local tribesmen are becoming CHRISTIANS, and are forming that one on one personal relationship with Christ and they are going back to their houses and preaching it.  They have this excitement in their eyes. A true Happiness...

In my own house, can I honestly say the same about my own children who have been in church since they were born?   I wish they had that kind of excitement for our Savior, but are they just not as excited because my own light has become dull in this crazy, not obsessed about Our Lord and Savior world?
I want my light back and its becoming harder and harder to grasp it, but I'm trying...

I want my best friend to be Jesus.  Do you?